being creative when you can’t hold your head up
So you may have read in last week’s blog that last week I had COVID. I know some people seem to skate right through it, but I wasn’t one of the skaters. I know it could have been way worse and I’m grateful to be on the upswing, but it was rough at times.
Last Thursday evening I found myself in a bit of a panic. I was lying in bed wondering what on earth could I post on Friday? I’m trying to post something every Friday (sometimes technical difficulties make me a day or two late), but I had been in bed for 2 days and had no ideas, no inspiration, and no energy.
I started wondering about how I could be creative, even when I get knocked down. I didn’t even have the energy to hold my head up. I thought, “How can I do this? How can I make anything when I just want to have my head on a pillow? How can I possibly create anything in this posture?” (I envisioned myself lying on the floor and having a pad of paper beside me, maybe doing blind contour drawings. Well, maybe I could do that but it also struck me that probably no one wants to see that, not even me.)
And then I remembered something I’ve learned from the wonderful artists, musicians, cartoonists, writers I’ve been paying attention to for the past two years: creativity isn’t only about what you make, it’s about input, too.
Input! Of course! If I don’t have the energy to sit in my studio and create something, I can read, watch, learn! I had a few good books beside me, a couple of newspapers, some magazines. I thought, I’ll read! And I tried. But I was having a hard time holding my head up.
So I turned on the radio. I stumbled onto a program called “Selected Shorts” and heard the end of a program with Phylicia Rashad reading Toni Morrison’s “Sweetness”. Incredible. Then I heard an interview on City Arts & Lectures with poet Billy Collins. (I am a crazy Billy Collins fan and have several of his collections on my shelf. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing him in person twice at a local college. If you ever have a chance to attend one of his events, please do. He is enchanting.) Later, I listened through the entire Jon Batiste album, We Are.
Ideas started blooming. My heart warmed: I’m not just lying in the bed withering away. I’m listening, learning, laughing, and considering new things and I’m NOT holding my head up.
Now don’t get me wrong. I do not believe we have to be productive and engaged every minute of every day. Sometimes we just have to be. To rest and recover. Sleep, sweet sleep, is underrated in our culture. But I was positively restless and needed something to calm my busy mind.
My point is, even when you don’t have much energy, even when you’re feeling bad, you can find a way to nourish your creative life. Just thinking of not holding my head up inspired the silly picture you see above. I imagined it with my head on the pillow and when I started to hold my head up again, I started making it. (It started as an advertisement for furniture. I wish I’d taken a pic of it before all these beautiful people invaded the room. It was a perfect room and if I ever win the lottery, I’d like to have a room exactly like it. But before I knew it the room was full of people who couldn’t hold their heads up either. I couldn’t exactly send them away with their tired necks and heavy heads, could I?)
So I’ll be back next week. I hope by then I’m holding my head up even straighter. Thanks for reading.